the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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