I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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