I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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