I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
