I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
