laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
