He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
