the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
