think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
