I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
