i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
