my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
