It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
