New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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