I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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