final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
