I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
