i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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