you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
