I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
