I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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