My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
