I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
