go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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