I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
