I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
