I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
