in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
