so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
