I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
