So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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