put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
