so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
