My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
