i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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