I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
