Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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