I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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