Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
