Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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