I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
