it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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