No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
