Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
