I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
