She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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