u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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