i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
