You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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