it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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